How Japan has Changed Me

A samurai kneels before a tree to commit seppuku in front of the Imperial Japanese Flag

I started travelling to Japan in 2015. I didn’t expect it would change my life. I’d had recently become widowed, and my travel companions were my two young kids. My husband died in July of 2013 by suicide. At the time, if someone told me that Japanese culture would completely change my understanding of suicide, I probably wouldn’t have believed them.

But it did change my understanding of many things. I fell in love with the country absolutely. And on my return, I ate, slept, watched, learned, and read Japanese.

Initially, reading history and Japanese literature started to affect the way I thought about things. The Japanese movies I watched also made me question my understanding of life, in general. Eventually, I was reading a lot about samurai and bushido, the samurai way of living. Japanese ritual suicide, seppuku, intrigued me. Firstly, I believed it to be a way of retaining honour in death. Then I realised there was so much more to it.

It’s a sticky subject, as I don’t want to glorify suicide in anyway. However, the change in my thinking was life changing enough to make me want to write a memoir about it. I’m in the process of editing my memoir, You Can’t Say That: Regarding Suicide. Writing it has pushed my understanding and made me dig deep into the reasons we have stigma around suicide and the cultural and sociological norms that dictate this conditioning.

Western religion views suicide as a sin. Catholics believe people who take their own life will burn in hell for all eternity. Religion influences our attitudes even if we’re not religious. I don’t believe in hell, but I did question if there was a legal ramification of committing suicide. How does the way our society views suicide affect you?

Follow news about my memoir, you can follow me at kylieeklunddenman.com. To read more about suicide, Me, Japan and Suicide, was my first article, and Japan in 2024 also looks at suicide in Japan.

7 thoughts on “How Japan has Changed Me

  1. dear Blossomkitty

    your last mail touched me very deeply

    i am not your age (much older; 68) but i love Japan also, because of my middle one; my son Jip who has autism and wanted to learn Japanese when he was 13 and wanted to do Kendo Now he is 37 and an illustrator…the Kendo was short lived but not our love of Japan
    We were lucky enough to stay when he was 15 with his private language teacher Noriko s parents in Kyoto
    we will never forget how beautiful it was and how kind all the people were
    Also he did his (i do not know how that is called in American) stagaire (extra learning place) 6 weeks in Tokyo but that was a few years ago…

    he always said he wanted to live in Japan because he loves Asian people much more then Western ones because they smell much nicer…
    unfortunately that is not how reality works as you undoubtedly know

    but the love for Japan we have in common and i love your posts
    i myself have tried suicide a few times so i know (for myself only) how that feels in the Western world and i know nothing how that is looked upon in Asia
    i hope you are very happy with your life

    kind regards
    renate from Holland

    1. Renate, thank you for reading my writing. It’s really important for me to connect with people who have suffered or are suffering, and maybe challenge people’s perspectives.
      Japan is an amazing place. Thanks for writing such a heartfelt comment. It makes me feel my writing is worthwhile.

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